every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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