he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Randomize
