just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize