I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
