I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize