Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
