I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize