She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
