i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
