Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
