My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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