I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
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