Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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