My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
