Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
