I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
