Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Never joke about your clitoris.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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