i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
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She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
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