I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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