I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I had to cum in my sink.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
