I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
not ubering you a puppy
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