My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
