Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
