We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
