She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
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HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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