Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize