I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
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