so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Randomize
