They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Randomize
