I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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