Midget sex pt 2 tonight
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
