if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Randomize
