Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
