i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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