We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
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i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
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I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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