My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
