Yo dont text me then not text me
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
