Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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