My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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