This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
