I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
