Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
