I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
