what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
