I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
