turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
True strength comes from lack of pants
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
