We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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