She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
