This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
