If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
