Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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