The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Randomize
