He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
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