My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Randomize
