i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
