Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
