nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
