all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
