Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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