You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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