One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
