What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Pants are for mortals
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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