I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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