how can u be prego again
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
