There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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