Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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