How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Randomize
