HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
