Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
