A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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