Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
