opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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