I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
