currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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