first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
