All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
