Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
