Your face is a jimmy john
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
